Monday, July 30, 2012

What Do You Dream About?

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. 
I was so happy and I knew it was going to be a girl.
Many years ago, after the birth of our 3rd child, we were
told that it would be simply to risky for me to have another child.
So we took care of that, if you know what I mean.
Now and then my husband and I think of what life would have been like with a 4th child.
What would she have looked like?
What would we have named her?
Who would she resemble the most personality wise as 
compared to her siblings?
It's nice to dream and to think of things that may never come to pass.
This is why last night's dream has SO much meaning to me.
Remember when I mentioned that I was retiring from my accounting job?
I did it mainly because after my stroke or SAH I can 
no longer function the way I used to.
Sure I can walk and talk but there are some things that my brain can't process as quickly as it did before.
There are other residual effects that I won't go into further but the fact of the matter is that I am not the same.
I can't say it has changed me for the worse.
And I can't say it has changed me for the better either.
I'm kind of in limbo.
Or at least that's the way I feel most days.
I had a very big decision to make months ago regarding my work situation.
My career as a director in government accounting was very draining. 
I just couldn't handle it anymore.
Besides that I wanted to home school my little guy since he
had been having trouble with his reading at school.
We even had to hold him back in 2nd grade because we thought it would help him.
It didn't.
So for the last month or so I have been pondering what 
God has in store for me.
What is next I wonder?
The suspense is killing me.
Sometimes I get sad.
Sometimes I get angry.
And sometimes I am just confused.
Wouldn't it be nice if we had a crystal ball to see what is around the bend?
But I know in the end, my Father in Heaven is calling the shots and whatever is in store for me and my family will be just what we need.
So back to the dream.
In my culture, we believe that when one dreams of pregnancy it means "new beginnings, a rebirth of things to come."
Kinda neat huh?
I'm happy and excited to see what new beginnings are in store for me.


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