Wednesday, January 23, 2013

About Depression

This is something I've been dealing with for about a year but was reluctant to talk about. 
Ever since my SAH (you can read about it here.) 
things just haven't been right. 
My doctors warned me that my brain would likely remain "damaged" from the trauma forever. 
I refused to accept it and jumped right back into my life 
as if nothing had happened. 
Big. Mistake.
It took months of frustration, anger, sadness and finally
acceptance, to figure out that the "old" me is gone and the "real" me is
Unless you've dealt with a horrible disease or a traumatic event, it will be difficult to understand where I am coming from.
I know. I used to feel that way too.
Why couldn't people just bounce back? 
I mean, I was sympathetic to other's suffering and plight, but I thought that would never happen to me.
Remember, I was a "perfectly healthy" 40 ish woman in the prime of her life. 
No known risk factors.
But yet, it did  happen to me.
And here we are almost 2 years later and  I am still dealing with the after effects of this hemorraghic stroke.
For about a year now, I have been feeling less and less like myself.
Sadness sometimes envelops me for no known reason.
I no longer find pleasure in the things I used to enjoy.
(Remember how I mentioned that I don't care for Christmas anymore? If you know me, you know I LOVE (D) Christmas!)
I hardly ever dance anymore and every day waking up is a chore.
It takes all that I can muster to get through my work day and my creativity is almost non-existant.
I am gone.
Well, almost.
I started to google "symptoms of depression" and 
the more I read about it the more a little light bulb went off 
in my head: I may be depressed!
I know, it's not something to be excited about.
But I am the type of person who is always searching for answers. I am the type who solves problems and always wants resolution. {I am an accountant by trade, btw}.
So here I am about to start another journey. 
My neurologist did tell me at my last visit that 
my symptoms are related to the brain injury.
He asked me what I wanted to do about it.
I don't know.
I'm still searching for an answer.
Thanks for reading.

Would you like to comment?

  1. I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I, too, struggle with depression. While, I haven't had the trauma that you have, I do have some of the same symptoms of depression. I, too, don't like Christmas anymore and I used to love it. I rarely leave the house and rarely fix myself up. I just want you to know that you are not alone and thank you for sharing your story. I will be praying for you.

  2. Thank you for your kind words DeNise. They mean so much to me.

  3. Depression is horrible. I have suffered with it for years, and my advice to you is to find a therapist who can give you some tools to help you deal with it, and a doctor who can prescribe appropriate medication. Depression is a chemical imbalance, just like diabetes, and it can be corrected. I will keep you in my prayers!


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