About Depression

This is something I've been dealing with for about a year but was reluctant to talk about. 

Ever since my SAH (you can read about it here.) 

things just haven't been right. 

My doctors warned me that my brain would likely remain "damaged" from the trauma forever. 

I refused to accept it and jumped right back into my life 

as if nothing had happened. 

Big. Mistake.

It took months of frustration, anger, sadness and finally

acceptance, to figure out that the "old" me is gone and the "real" me is here.now.

Unless you've dealt with a horrible disease or a traumatic event, it will be difficult to understand where I am coming from.

I know. I used to feel that way too.

Why couldn't people just bounce back? 

I mean, I was sympathetic to other's suffering and plight, but I thought that would never happen to me.

Remember, I was a "perfectly healthy" 40 ish woman in the prime of her life. 

No known risk factors.

But yet, it did  happen to me.

And here we are almost 2 years later and  I am still dealing with the after effects of this hemorraghic stroke.

For about a year now, I have been feeling less and less like myself.

Sadness sometimes envelops me for no known reason.

I no longer find pleasure in the things I used to enjoy.

(Remember how I mentioned that I don't care for Christmas anymore? If you know me, you know I LOVE (D) Christmas!)

I hardly ever dance anymore and every day waking up is a chore.

It takes all that I can muster to get through my work day and my creativity is almost non-existant.

I am gone.

Well, almost.

I started to google "symptoms of depression" and 

the more I read about it the more a little light bulb went off 

in my head: I may be depressed!

I know, it's not something to be excited about.

But I am the type of person who is always searching for answers. I am the type who solves problems and always wants resolution. {I am an accountant by trade, btw}.

So here I am about to start another journey. 

My neurologist did tell me at my last visit that 

my symptoms are related to the brain injury.

He asked me what I wanted to do about it.

I don't know.

I'm still searching for an answer.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

Patty